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Submissions Story Plots समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा)
 

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) Hot

Story Attributes

Genre
Fantasy
Characters
Super Commando Dhruva
Other Characters
Shweta, Shyam, Radha, Vitler, Aaryan, Jessica
Other Villains
Jubisko, Bond
Status
Complete

The Journey has reached its Final Destination...

Samay Chakra k is Antim padaav par aj Dhruv ko deni hogi Agni Pariksha. ya to safal hoga dhruv ya har jayegi ye maanavta, ye duniya.

Destination 4.=> AGNI PARIKSHA

 

 

Jab Dhruv ko hosh aya to usne apne aap ko Vitler k mansion me paaya. Vitler aur Aaryan uske paas hi baithe the aur dusri taraf baithe the Vitler k personnel doctor.

Dhruv: doctor, mujhe kya hua hai?

Doctor: Aadarniya, aapki bimari meri samajh k baahar hai. mujhe to sab kuch thik lag raha hai.

Itne me Jessica room me enter karti hai.

Jessica: Inki bimari ko aap nahi samajh paayenge doctor, kyunki inki bimari aapki medical science se nahi balki hamari technological science se judi hui hai.

Dhruv: jessica, tum jaanti ho mujhe kya hua hai?

Jessica: TEMPORAL DIPLACEMENT.

Vitler: Temporal displacement?

Aaryan: Bhaabhi bilkul thik keh rahi hain. Iske baare me maine bhi padha hai. Aadarniya, hum dimagi roop se fit hote hain jab hum concious hote hain aur hamara dimag time, place aur person k beech me poora saamanjasya yani ki balance bana k rakhta hai. TIME, PLACE AUR PERSON k beech me ye orientation hamare dimag ka Temporal Lobe maintain karta hai. Par repeated TIME JUMPS ya kisi dusri samay dhaara me jarurat se jyada waqt bitane se dimag k us hisse par zor padne lagta hai aur dimag ki nasen fatne lagti hain. iske symptoms hain nose-bleed, severe headache, chakkar aana, kamzori aana, sochne samajhne ki shakti chali jaana, behoshi chaana, double vision. aur anth me insan coma me chala jata hai aur fir mar jata hai.

Jessica: par ek khaas bat ye hai ki ye bimari fully reversible hai. coma ek irreversible stage hai. abhi aapko chakkar aa rahe hain, naak se khun beh raha hai,aur sardard ho raha hai. thodi der me aapko kamzori lagne lagegi. aapko coma ki stage aane k pehle wapas apni time line me pahuch jana chahiye. ek bar aap apne waqt me pahuch jayenge to ye sare symptoms reverse ho jayenge.

Dhruv: apne waqt me? nahi, abhi to mujhe apne maata-pita se milna hai. usi k liye to main chala tha.

Aaryan: nahi Aadarniya, isse to aapke symptoms aur tezi se aggravate honge. ek to aap apne samay se 23,000 saal aage aye, aur wo bhi 5 dinon se aap isi samay me hain aur ab apne samay se peeche jayenge to ye bimari aur tezi se badhegi.

Dhruv mann me sochta hai, agar ye sach hai to meri ye bimari Jessica aur Aaryan ki ummeed se aur jyada tezi se badhegi kyunki wo nai jaante ki yehan aane se pehle main Dwapar Yug se ho kar aa raha hun. Lekin ye to mujhe karna hi hoga.

Dhruv: nahi, main peeche nai hat sakta. Vitler mere jaane ka intezam karo. mujhe apne maa-baap se milna hai.

Aaryan: Agar aisi bat hai to hum aap ko akele nahi jane de sakte. Main aapke sath chalunga aadarniya.

Dhruv: nahi Aaryan, tumhe yehi rukna hoga. Vitler mere sath jayega.

Aaryan: Lekin aadarniya, Vitler bhaiyya ne to aapka bahut sath diya hai. ab mujhe bhi to ek mauka dijiye.

Dhruv: nahi Aaryan, tumhare hath ka abhi operation hua hai, tumhe aaram ki zarurat hai aur waise bhi tumne abhi abhi is duniya k liye apna poora jeevan samarpit karne ka vachan liya hai. Tum itni jaldi apni jimmedari se nahi bhag sakte. Vitler, jaane se pehle mujhe ek favour chahiye.

Vitler: kahiye aadarniya.

Dhruv: Pata nahi aisa possible hai ya nahi par agar tumhare paas Memory Rejuvanator hai jo sab yad dila deti hai, to kya koi aisi machine bhi hai jo sab bhula deti ho??? Main wo sab kuch bhulna chahta hun jo tumne mujhe Richa, Natasha aur mere beton Rishi aur Jalaj k bare me bataya. Main tum dono ko yad rakhna chahta hun par ye bhul jana chahta hun ki meri zindagi me aage kya hone wala hai. Kyunki mera maanana hai ki jo hota hai achche k liye hota hai. Jo hona hai, hoga, main use jaanbujh kar badalna nai chahta.

Vitler: Aadarniya, maine kaha tha ki aisa koi aavishkaar nahi hai jiske bare me aap soch sakte ho aur humne use banaya na ho. ye SELECTIVE MEMORY MODIFIER aapki un yadon ko nasht kar dega jinhe aap bhulna chahte hain. Bas ise pehan kar aakhiri baar un baaton k baare me sochiye jinhe aap bhulna chahte hain. Ye modifier us waqt aapke dimag me jo bhi memory cells ya Neurons activate honge un memory cells ko inactivate kar dega. Hamare dimag me laakhon Neurons hote hain...aap jo baaten bhulna chahte hain, wo 2-3 neurons k sath khatm ho jayengi...isse aapke Dimag par koi asar bhi nahi padega.

Dhruv us memory modifier ko pehanta hai aur aakhiri baar un baaton k baare me sochta hai jinhe wo bhula dena chahta tha.

kuch der bad-

Vitler: aadarniya, kya aap un baaton ko bhul gaye jinhe aap bhula dena chahte the?

Dhruv: pata nahi, mujhe kuch yad nahi aa raha hai ki main kya bhula dena chahta tha.

Aaryan (muskurate hue): iska matlab hai ki aap unhe bhul gaye.

Vitler: to ab hum chalen aadarniya? aapki tabiyat aur kharab hone se pehle hame ye yatra puri kar leni chahiye.

Dhruv ek aakhiri bar aaryan ko apne seene se lagata hai aur kehta hai, "main tumhe kabhi nai bhulunga Aaryan, aur tum bhi hamesha yad rakhna ki apni poori zindagi is samaj ki bhalai aur iski suraksha me laga dena, yehi hamari parampara hai."

Aaryan: main aapki 1-1 bat yad rakhunga Aadarniya.

Dhruv aakhiri bar jessica ko apne gale se laga k kehta hai, "jessica, vitler ka dhyan rakhna aur apne devar k liye ek achchi ladki dhundhna ab tumhara kaam hai, taaki hamara vansh aage badhe."

Jessica (haste hue): Agar Aaryan ne khud koi ladki nahi dhundh li hogi to.

Dhruv: ab chalo vitler, der ho rahi hai.

Vitler: chaliye aadarniya?

Dhruv: ek minute. tumhari time machine kahan hai?

Vitler: hamari koi time machine nahi hai aadarniya, main bas apne hath k panel me time set karunga aur hum us time me pahuch jayenge.

Dhruv: are waah, itni tarakki? main Shweta ki jis time machine me baith kar aya tha wo to kaafi badi thi, ek chote cabin jitni badi.

Vitler: Shweta? yani aapki behan? The Great Scientist Shweta?? Aadarniya, we ek mahaan scientist thi par time machine ka invention unhone nahi kiya tha.

Dhruv: Ab iske baare me main kya bolun?? siway iske ki Main khud Shweta ki banayi Time Machine me baith kar hi is yug me aya hun..

Vitler: Par ye to asambhav hai Aadarniya...Maine itihaas padha hai...Itihaas me saaf saaf darj hai ki Time machine ka invention aapke samay k lagbhag 300 saal bad 2290 A.D. me kiya tha Proffessor Invention Prasaa ne. Haan ye baat jarur hai ki Time Travel ki complexities, uske Variables, uske Constants ko samajhna kisi bhi scientist k liye aasan nahi tha. After all 4th Dimension TIME ko bend karna koi khel nahi tha. khud Invention Prasaa k liye bhi nahi... Tab ek din maanav jati ko ek gadha hua khazana praapt hua. Kuch Archaeologists ko ek excavation k dauran Aadarniyaa Shweta ki Science Journal mili, jise Prasaa ne muh-maange daamon par kharid li.. aur fir unhone Time Machine ka invention kiya..ye sab Aapki behan k project report, unki notations aur unki research works ki madad se hi sambhav ho paya tha. waise har ubharte hue Scientist k mann me ek hi sawaal ata hai ki agar aapki behan ne Time Travel ki sabhi complexities ko samajh liya tha, to fir unhone khud ise kyu nahi banaya..after all, Time Machine ko banane me jin Spare Parts aur technolgy ki jarurat hai, wo to aapke yug me bhi available thi...Invention Prasaa ko is invention k liye Nobel Prize in Physics mila tha...aur kyunki usne ye invention aapki behan ki journal ki madad se kiya isiliye unhe bhi Posthumous Nobel Prize diya gaya..aur Isliye hum unhe 'MOTHER OF TIME TRAVEL' naam se jaante hain.

Dhruv (muskurate hue): Mother of time travel? khair, ab hamare paas "kisne Time travel ka invention kiya" topic par debate karne ka waqt nahi hai..jaldi chalo Vitler. mujhe 1990 me le chalo, us din jab Jupiter Circus me aag lagne wali thi.

Aur fir Vitler apne hath me lage ek panel k kuch button dabata hai. aur fir dhruv ka hath pakadta hai aur fir ek jhamake se dono gaayab ho jate hain.

Dhruv chal pada tha apne safar k antim padaav ki or.

 

 

The Final Destination

 


Samay- 1990

Sthaan- Jupiter Circus

 

Ek jhamaka hua aur Dhruv aur Vitler kuch jhaadiyon k beech me achanak se prakat hue. Time jumps ka asar turant saamne aya. Dhruv achanak se apne ghutnon par aa gira.

Vitler: aadarniya, aap thik to hain? ye jarur temporal displacement ka asar hai. mera hath pakadiye.

Dhruv: nahi Vitler, main thik hun. main khud ko sambhal sakta hun.

Aur fir Dhruv aur Vitler jhaadiyon ko paar kar k bahar nikle, aur saamne tha dhruv ka JUPITER CIRCUS. Dono chupchap andar ghuse. Poora circus shaant tha. sab apne apne tent me sone chale gaye the. Dhruv ne 1-1 kar k har tent me jhaank kar dekha. Apne saare chachao ko sote hue dekha. saare naami-girami kalakaar aj k aakhiri show k bad aaram se so rahe the bina ye jaane ki aj ki rat in sab ki aakhiri rat hai. Ranjan, Sherkhan, Suleman, Pawan, Hercules, Anna, aur Uncle Jacob. Sabhi apne kamre me so rahe the is bat se anjaan ki aj unke circus me ek jaana-pehchana mehman aya tha. Lekin circus k jaanwaron se Dhruv apne aap ko nahi chupa paya. wo uski ek jhalak pehchan gaye. uski gandh ko pehchan gaye. jaanwaro me halchul mach gayi par dhruv ne sab ko chup rehne ka ishara kiya. aj bhi Dhruv ko circus ka chappa chappa yad tha. aur Aakhir me aya wo kamra jiske andar Dhruv ki manzil thi. Radha aur Shyam rat k khaane k bad baatein kar rahe the.

Shyam: Radha, dhruv kahan hai?

Radha: wo to apne kamre me sone chala gaya. thak gaya hoga na. ajkal hamare bete k kartabon ki wajah se hi to ye circus fir se kaamyabi ki oonchaaiyon ko chu raha hai.

Shyam: thik hai. ab tum bhi aaraam karo. main zara kal k show k liye hamare jhule ki nayi rassiyan baandh kar ata hun.

Par isse pehle ki Shyam kamre se bahar ja pata, ek anjaana par jaana pehchana sa shaqs andar daakhil hua. Dhruv ne andar ghuste hi Shyam ko apne gale se laga liya.

Shyam: tu....tum kaun...mera matlab...beta...tum to dhruv jaise...itne bade...ye..ye kya ho raha hai?

Shyam ko to apne sawal ka jawab bhi na mila par maa ka dil to maa ka dil hi hota hai. pata nai Radha ko kya laga jo usne bina kuch pooche Dhruv ko apne seene se laga liya.

Dhruv: maa, 15 saal se aapki god me sar rakhne k liye taras raha hun. mujhe apni god me sula lo na.

aur Radha ne Dhruv ko apni god me sula liya. Itne me Vitler unke tent me daakhil hua.

Shyam: aakhir tum log kaun ho? kahan se aye ho?

Vitler: hum bhavishya se aayen hain aadarniya, samay yatra kar k. ye aapke putra dhruv hi hain aur main aapka vanshaj hun. main inhe inke samay 2005 A.D. se le kar aya hun.

Shyam: samay yat...tumhara matlab humne jo ajtak sirf novels aur movies me dekha hai.. kya sach me insan ne time machine bana li hai? par dhruv ne aisa kyu kaha ki wo 15 saalon se taras raha hai?

Vitler: kyunki........... kyunki aj ki rat jupiter circus ki aakhiri rat hai.

Shyam: KYA?

Vitler: aap baithiye aadarniya. main aap ko sab samjhata hun.

fir Vitler Shyam ko short me sab samjhata gaya ki kaise Jubisko ne Jupiter Circus ko jala diya tha aur sab kuch khatm ho gaya tha. Kaise Dhruv ko ek naya pariwar mila aur Dhruv crime fighter ban gaya. kaise usne apne pita shyam ki pichli jindagi k bare me sab pata lagaya aur unke sar par se khoon ka ilzaam bhi saaf kar diya. kin kin bade khatre se usne duniya ko bachaya aur Brahmaand Rakhshak kehlaya aur kaise wo samay yatra kar k apne maa-baap se milne aya.

Apne bete k itne bade kaarnamon k bare sunkar Shyam ka seena foolkar chauda ho gaya aur Radha ki khushi ka bhi thikana nahi tha. Shyam ne Dhruv se kaha, "beta mujhe tum par garv hai. Shayad tumhare jaise mahaan bete ko janm dene ka hi hame ye inaam mila hai ki marne se pehle tum aakhiri bar hum se milne aa gaye aur tumne mujhe meri pichli zindagi k bare me bataya aur ye bhi bataya ki tumne mere daaman par laga daag bhi saaf kar diya warna main yehi sochte sochte mar jata ki aakhir main kaun tha. par tumhari tabiyat ab aur kharab ho rahi hai. tumhe ab jaana chahiye. waise bhi jubisko ab kisi bhi waqt aata hi hoga."

Dhruv: kya matlab hai aapka ki mujhe jaana chahiye? main aap dono ko liye bina kahin nahi ja raha.

Vitler: Aadarniya, aap aisa nai kar sakte. warna aapke maata-pita bhi aapki tarah usi bimari ka shikaar ho jayenge.

Dhruv: to thik hai. main kam se kam aap ko aur baaki sab ko is aag se to bacha hi....su...susu..ye gandh...ye to petrol ki gandh hai...JUBISKO....aj main ise jinda nai chodunga.

Shyam: Dhruv, nahi beta ruk jao.

Lekin Dhruv nai sunta aur bahar nikal jata hai. Bahar jubisko poore circus me petrol chidak chuka tha.

Jubisko: bas ab ise chingaari dikhane ki der hai.

Jubisko apna lighter jalata hai, par Dhruv peeche se aakar uska hath pakad leta hai. Circus k ghane andhere me Dhruv aur Jubisko ne lighter ki roshni me ek dusre ki aankhon me aankhen daal kar dekha. Aag ki roshni me chamakta hua jubisko ka chehra aj 15 saal baad bhi Dhruv ko sansaar ka sabse krurtam chehra lag raha tha. Par aj Dhruv ne kasam khali thi ki wo Jubisko k chehre se uski krurta ko noch dalega. Jabardast kamzori k bad bhi aj Dhruv Jubisko par bhari pad raha tha kyunki ab wo 14 saal ka bachcha nahi tha aur aj uske sar par khoon sawar tha. Jubisko ko maarte hue aisa lag raha tha ki Dhruv k andar koi shaitan darinda ghus gaya hai. uske har waar me haiwaniyat bhari hui thi. Raat k sannaate me jubisko k badan ki 1-1 haddi k tutne ki awaz sunayi de rahi thi. koi shor sun kar jaag na jaye isliye Jubisko apni cheekhon ko control kar le raha tha, yehi uske liye badi bat thi. Is beech kisi ka bhi dhyan us aadhi jali hui tasveer ki or nahi gaya jo Jubisko ki pitayi karte hue Dhruv ki jeb se gir gayi thi..Aj shayad Dhruv apni kasam tod hi dalta. Aj shayad Dhruv jubisko ko jaan se maar hi dalta, agar shyam aur radha ne aa kar use rok na liya hota.

Shyam: ruk jao dhruv, chod do use.

Jubisko mauke ki nazakat samajh kar petrol ka can utha kar langdaate hue kaise bhi kar k baahar bhaag gaya.

Yehi wo waqt tha jab 14 saal ka chota Dhruv apne tent se baahar aya aur jubisko ko dekh kar uske peeche bhagne laga. Dhruv use rokne hi wala tha ki shyam ne use manaa kar diya, "nahi dhruv, mat roko use. uski manzil use bula rahi hai, use apna rasta khud chun lene do."

Vitler: achcha hua aadarniya, jo aapne inhe bhoot kaal me khud se milne se rok diya nahi to do samay dhaaraon k ek dusre se takrane se short circuit ho jata. iska asar kya hota ye to mujhe pata nahi par achcha to bilkul nahi hota.

Udhar baahar Bond car me Jubisko ka intezaar kar raha tha.

Bond: jubisko, ye tu hai? duniya k sab se strong man ki ye haalat kisne kar di? aur tu ye petrol ka kanastar kyu laad laya. fek ise.

Jubisko gaadi me baithte hue, "wo...wo dhruv ne."

Bond: Dhruv ne...are wo 14 saal ka bachcha tera kya bigad lega. jarur andhere me Hercules ne teri pitayi kar di hogi. usne tera chehra itna bigad diya hai ki ab to boss bhi tujhe nahi pehchan payega. main khud tujhe tere kapdon ki wajah se hi pehchan paaya.

Jubisko: nahi wo dhruv hi tha. aur wo...wo 14 saal ka nahi balki 25-30 saal ka hatta-katta jawan lag raha tha.

Itne me bond ne car start ki. Petrol behte hue circus k bahar tak aa gaya tha. Bond ne ek goli chalayi aur petrol ne aag pakad li aur ye aag tezi se circus me failne lagi. Tabhi 14 saal k dhruv ne apni bike start ki aur jubisko/bond ka peecha karne laga.

jubisko: bond, dekh, dhruv to hamare peeche lag gaya hai.

bond: main kya dekhun, tu dekh, dhruv bachcha hi hai. boss ne kitni bar kaha hai ki kaam k waqt sharab mat piya kar.

jubisko: lekin ye kaise.....khair, ab isse peecha to chuda.

bond: uski chinta tu mat kar.

Aur idhar circus me aag tezi se fail rahi thi. naami girami kalakaar aur jaanwar aag me zinda jal rahe the. Shyam, Radha, Dhruv aur Vitler ko bhi aag gher chuki thi chaaron taraf se. par achanak aag aage badhte badhte ruk gayi. aag ki lapten oonchi oonchi uth rahi thi par aage nai badh rahi thi. hawa bhi tham gayi. shayad swayam Shri Krishna k ishare par Agni Dev ruk gaye the. Shayad wo khud is adbhut drishya k saakshi banna chahte the. Shayad wo dhruv ko apna nirnay lene k liye kuch waqt dena chahte the. Shayad AGNI PARIKSHA ki ghadi aa gayi thi.

Dhruv: maa, pitaji, aap chinta mat kijiye, main aap logon ko kuch hone nai dunga. main aap dono ko is aag se bahar nikal lunga, aur baaki sab ko bhi.

Shyam: nahi dhruv, tum kisi ko nahi bachaoge. yehan se tumhe akele hi nikalna hoga. hamara sath yehin tak tha.

Dhruv: kya? main....kuch samjha nai. pitaji aap aisa kyu bol rahe ho?

Shyam: beta tum samajh nahi rahe ya samajhna hi nahi chate? kya tumhe nahi pata ki bhoot badalne se bhavishya bhi badal jayega.

Dhruv: kuch nai badlega pitaji, sirf itna badlega ki hum ek sath honge, fir se, ek pariwar ki tarah.

Shyam: nahi dhruv, sab kuch badal jayega. tum ab sirf hamare bete nahi ho balki is samaj ki amanat ho. tum brahmand rakshak ho. dhruv, Aj ka din itihas ka ek mahatvapurna din hai beta. ise mat badlo. isse kisi ka bhala nahi hoga.

Dhruv ko ek pal k liye aisa laga jaise uske pita k muh se swayam shri krishna bol rahe hain. ek baar fir unki kahi hui baaten Dhruv k dimag me flash hoti chali gayi.

"Itihaas ko badalne ki koshish mat karo."

"Moh me padh kar kuch aisa na kar baithna jiska dushparinaam puri maanav jati ko bhugatna pade."

"Yugon tak yad rakhi jane wali mahagaatha ko chand lamhon me khatm mat kar dena."

"Mahan kaam Maha Balidan mangta hai."

"Apni kisi galti se itihaas k us mahatvapurna din ko itihaas se mita mat dena jis din tumne apne andar k ishwar ko jaagrit kiya tha."

Lekin fir bhi aj Dhruv kuch samajhne k mood me nahi tha.. Uski galti bhi kya thi?? ek baalak, jisne 14 saal ki umra me apne maa-baap ko kho diya, jo use 15 saal bad mile the, unhe aise kaise apne se juda hone de??

Dhruv: pitaji...aap....aap kehna kya chah rahe hain mujhe kuch nahi samajh raha. main jaanta hun to sirf itna ki pichle 15 saalon se main aap dono ki ek aadhi jali tasvir dekh dekh kar ji raha hun. mujhe kuch nahi samajh raha. aap dono ko mere sath chalna hi hoga?

Shyam: apne aankhon par chadhi is moh ki patti ko utaro beta to khud samajh jaoge ki main kya kehna chah raha hun. aj ka hi din tha jab tumne apradh ka vinash karne ki kasam khayi thi, tum ek apradh vinashak ban gaye the. ek brahmand rakshak k roop me tumne na jaane kitni bar is duniya ko khatm hone se bachaya. tum wo sab kuch ek jhatke me khatm nahi kar sakte. jis duniya ko tumne itni bar bachaya use tum aise khatm hone nahi de sakte. yehi wo din tha jab tum circus k ek kalaabaaz se apradh vinashak ban gaye the. agar tumne aj ka din itihas se mita diya to vinaash ho jayega. tum aj hame to is aag se bahar nikal loge lekin jab tum apne samay me wapas jaoge to shayad wahan kadam rakhne k liye ye dharti hi nahi hogi.

Dhruv: aisa kuch nahi hoga, main aapse vaada karta hun, aap yehan se chaliye, main vaada karta hun ki main bada ho kar crime fighter hi banunga. mera matlab hai ki aap....jab main....mera matlab jab dhruv jubisko aur bond ka peecha chodkar wapas ayega to aap use apne sath kahin dur le jana. hum ek nayi duniya basayenge pitaji aur....aur aap mujhe crime fighter hi banana. aap mujhe batana ki mujhe crime fighter hi banna hai. pitaji, waqt badal jane se kaabiliyat to nahi badlegi na? main to wahi dhruv hun. agar past badal bhi jayega to bhi main crime fighter hi banunga.

Shyam: tum samajh nahi rahe ho dhruv. maa-baap k pyar ne tumhe andha kar diya hai. beta, kaabiliyat aur jazba do alag cheezen hoti hain. kaabiliyat to tumme hai par hame aur is jupiter circus k sath jo hua tha use dekh kar apradh k prati jo aakrosh tumhare dil me paida hua tha wo kahan se laoge? us din tumhare andar jo jazba jaga tha wo kahan se laoge? Agar aaj tumne hame bacha liya to tum jindagi bhar ek mamuli Circus k kalaabaaz ban kar reh jaoge..aur ye Duniya haar jayegi..

Ab tak Dhruv ye realise karne laga tha ki uske Pita thik keh rahe hain. lekin fir bhi uska mann maanne ko taiyyar nahi tha..Isiliye kisi bachche ki bhanti wo apni maa ki taraf muda is ummeed me ki shayad uski maa uski baat maan jaye.

Dhruv: maa....dekho na...aap to pitaji ko kuch....

Radha: nahi dhruv, tere pitaji thik keh rahe hain. hamara koi haq nai banta ki apni jaan k liye, apne bete k pyar k liye, hum is duniya k laakhon logon ki jaan khatre me daal den.

Dhruv: maa......tum bhi.....?....aap dono samjhte kyu nai? koi fark nahi padega. main akela brahmand rakshak nahi hun is duniya me. aur bhi hain. ek k kam ho jane se kisi ko koi fark nahi padega.

Shyam: aur kya udahran pesh karoge tum un brahmand rakshakon k saamne? sabne apne apne hisse ki qurbaani di hai dhruv. to kya sab tumhari tarah samay yatra kar k apne gujre hue kal ko sudhar len aur apni jimmedariyon se muh mod len? jo dusre brahmand rakshkon ne kiya hai wo tum nahi kar sakte aur tumhara kaam dusre brahmand rakshak nahi kar sakte. tumhe apna kaam khud karna hoga. tumhe apne hisse ki qurbaani deni hogi beta. main tumhe kahunga aur tum crime fighter ban jaoge? aisa nahi hota. Mahaan kaam Maha balidan maangte hain.

pehle se kamzor Dhruv ko Shyam k un shabdon ne aur tod kar rakh diya. wo ghutnon par aa gaya. aj ek Yug Purush, ek Mahan Vansh Rakshak, ek Brahmand Rakshak apni bebasi par fut-fut kar ro raha tha.

Dhruv: he bhagwan, ye....mere sath kyu ho raha hai? main yehan apne mata-pita ko fir se jinda jalte hue dekhne to nahi aaya tha.

Shyam (dhruv ko uthate hue): Dhruv utho. tum mere bete ho. main is tarah tumhare kandhe jhukte hue, tumhare kadam shithil padte hue nahi dekh sakta. beta tum yehan dobara apne kamzor padte hue iradon ko majbut karne aye ho. beta meri aankhon me dekho, apni maa ki aankhon me dekho. kya tumhe hamari aakhon me koi darr, koi gham nazar aa raha hai? ye jupiter circus ek mahayagya hai beta aur iske kalaakar iski aahuti. aur iski purnaahuti banenge tumhare maa-baap. ye sirf tumhari hi nahi, hamari bhi agni pariksha hai. jab hum ye agni pariksha dene se nahi darr rahe to tum kyu peeche hat rahe ho? ek baar is agni pariksha se gujarkar circus ka kalabaaz dhruv apradhiyon ka kaal super commando dhruv ban gaya tha. aj fir is agni pariksha se gujar kar wo apradhiyon ka kaal, apradiyon ka mahakaal ban jayega.

Radha, dhruv k baal sehlate hue: beta, ek maa-baap ke liye sab se badi chinta hoti hai unki aulaad. ki unke peeche se unke bachche ka kya hoga. wo hamare bina kaise rahega. aur meri khush kismati dekh ki main to marne k pehle hi ye jaan gayi ki mere bete ko zindagi me koi kami nahi hogi. wo khush rahega. use ek pyara sa pariwar milega. do pyar karne wale maa-baap aur ek pyari si behan milegi. wo bahut bada banega, apne maa-baap ka naam roshan karega. isse jyada ek maa k dil ko aur kya chahiye? sach keh rahi hun beta, main tere bhavishya ko lekar nishchint ho gayi hun to ab mujhe ye duniya chod k jane ka bhi koi gham nahi hai....teri kasam...

Shyam: beta hum tumhare liye achcha bura soch sakte hain, par fir bhi main tumhe ek mauka dena chahta hun. main chahta hun ki tum khud is samaj k hit me ek sahi nirnay lo. apne maa-baap ki moh ki patti ko utaro aur thande dimag se soch kar batao ki kya sahi hai? tumhare liye kya zaruri hai, farz ya maa-baap ka pyaar, tumhare maa-baap ki jaan ya is samaj ki suraksha?

Dhruv kuch der k liye dono ko ek tak dekhta raha aur fir usne aankhen band kar li. Shayad wo Shyam aur Radha ki chavi ko hamesha k liye apni aankhon me kaid kar lena chahta tha. Shayad wo ek sahi nirnay lene k liye apne mann ko majbut karne ki koshish kar raha tha. Aur jab dhruv ne aankhen kholi to uski aankhon me aansu the. lekin shyam aur radha ki aankhon me aansu ka ek katra bhi nahi tha. dono samajh chuke the ki unke bete ne faisla kar liya hai, ek sahi faisla. wo drishya tha hi aisa ki agar piche khade Vitler ki aankhen asli hoti to uski aankhon me bhi aansu hote.

Dhruv: thik hai pitaji, main aapki bat manunga. main chala jaunga yehan se. nahi badlega kuch bhi, par maa, main jaane se pehle aap dono se itna kehna chahta hun ki main aap dono se bahut pyar karta hun.

Radha: hum bhi tujhse bahut pyar karte hain beta....ek minute....tu keh raha tha na ki 15 saalon se hamari aadhi jali tasveer dekh kar kam chala raha tha. ruk main tere liye kuch le kar ati hun.

Radha apne tent ki taraf jati hai. aashcharya janak roop se shyam/radha k tent ne abhi tak aag nahi pakdi thi. radha wapas aati hai.

Radha: beta, ye ek scrap-book hai. isme tere 13 janmdin ki 13 tasveeren hain, hamare sath. aur har tasveer k neeche ek aisi bat likhi hai jo main aur tere pitaji chahte the ki tu use apne jeevan me, apne vyavahar me utare. hum ye tujhe tere 18th janmdin par gift karna chahte the, par ab aur samay nahi bacha.

Shyam: baaki ki 5 baaten main tumhe abhi bata deta hun. yaad rakhna beta apne maata-pita ki ye baaten- 1. ishwar par hamesha bharosa rakhna. 2. sachchai aur imaandaari ki raah chahe kitni bhi mushkil kyu na ho, use kabhi mat chodna. 3. kamzoron aur asahayon ki jitni kar sako utni madad karna. agar tumhare uncle jacob meri madad na karte to na jaane main kahan hota. 4. kabhi zindagi me peeche mud kar mat dekhna. jo hota hai, achche k liye hota hai, usse sabak lena aur aage badh jana..aur.....

Radha:...aur 5. ye hamesha yad rakhna ki tere maa-baap chahe kahin bhi wo tujhe dekh rahe hain. hamara aashirwaad hamesha tere sath hoga.

Itna keh k Radha Dhruv ko aakhiri bar apne seene se laga leti hai. Shyam ne bhi dhruv ko apne gale se lagaya. ab dhruv par behoshi cha rahi thi.

Shyam: Vitler, ab dhruv ko le jao. waqt ho gaya hai.

Vitler: ji aadarniya.

Yehan dhruv palta aur wahan tab se apne upar kaabu rakhi hui radha ki aankhon se aakhir ek aansu bahar tapka. lekin shyam ne ab bhi apne aap ko sambhaala hua tha . shyam aur radha ne ek-dusre ka hath pakad liya. vitler ne dhruv ka hath pakda, aur apne panel me kuch button dabaye, behoshi ki haalat me dhruv ne aakhiri baar kaha, "maa-pitaji, main...aap dono se bahut pyar.....karta....hun", aur vitler aur dhruv addrishya ho gaye. Dhruv chal pada tha apne samay ki or. yehan dhruv gaayab hua aur wahan agni dev ne aakhir shyam aur radha ko apne aagosh me le liya....AGNI PARIKSHA khatm ho chuki thi aur dhruv usme safal ho chuka tha. Lekin in sab se anjaan, 14 saal ka wo bachcha, ab bhi apni bike par bond aur jubisko ka peecha kar raha tha.

Jubisko: Dhruv ab bhi hamare peeche laga hai bond.

Bond: chinta mat karo jubisko. ye kam tum mujh par chod do. mera nishana star circus tak me kabhi nahi chooka. namuna hazir hai.

Bond ne goli chalayi. Dhruv samajh gaya ki nishana uska sir hai aur uski bike uchli aur goli uske aage k tyre me lag gayi. bike gir gayi, dhruv dono ko dekhta reh gaya aur dono bhag gaye. tabhi dhruv ko jalte hue circus ki yad ayi aur wo dusri taraf bhaagne laga.

 

 

Back to the Future



Samay- 2005

Sthaan- Dhruv ka ghar

 

Shweta apne kamre me abhi bhi time machine repair karne me lagi hui hai.

Shweta: thank god, finally time machine thik ho gayi. ab zara pata karne ki koshish karun ki bhaiyya kahan chala gaya hai.

Shweta apni machine se Dhruv ka Time Path trace karne ki koshish karti hai.

Shweta: ye...ye kya? Destination 1-untraceable, Destination 2-untraceable, Destination 3-1990? ye...iska matlab bhaiyya abhi 1990 me hai...lekin iske pehle wo aisi kaun si do jagah par pahuch gaya jo meri time machine ki range k bahar hai? sab se badi bat to ye hai ki jo samay meri machine ki range k bahar hai, wahan bhaiyya pahuch kaise....ek minute....Destination 4-2005? iska matlab....

Tabhi Shweta ko Dhruv k kamre me hulchul sunayi deti hai. wo dhruv k kamre me jati hai to dekhti hai ki Vitler Dhruv ko uske bistar par sula raha hai.

Shweta: Ae...ruk jao...kaun ho tum? bhaiyya ko hath mat lagana, nahi to?

Vitler: pranam aadarniyaaa!

Shweta (aashcharya se): pp...pranam.....me...mera matlab khush raho...nai mera matlab tum...tum kaun ho?

Vitler: aaiye, kamre se bahar chal kar bat karte hain. inhe aaram karne dijiye.

Aur fir bahar ja kar Vitler Shweta ko short me puri kahani batata hai....ki 1990 me kya hua aur 25,510 me kya hua tha aur dhruv ki bimari k bare me bhi.

Vitler: aadarniyaaa, ab main chalta hun. jaane se pehle 1991 me maine jo aap k plane ka apahran karwaya tha uske liye aapse maafi maangna chahta hun.

Shweta: k...kaun sa plane?

Vitler: ye aapko aadarniya samjha denge hosh me aane k bad...filhal to main jane se pehle aapko ek bat kehna chahta hun ki aap unka khyal rakhiyega aur koshish kijiyega ki ab unhe time travel karne ki jarurat na pade warna agli bar ye bimari aur tezi se badhegi.

Itna sunte hi Shweta apne mann me ek nishchay le chuki thi.

Vitler: accha to main ab chalta hun.

Itne me Dhruv bahar aata hai.

Dhruv: mujhse mile bina hi chal doge vitler?

Vitler: aadarniya, aap ummeed se jaldi hosh me aa gaye. waise main aapka aashirwaad liye bina kaise ja sakta tha? aapko ye tohfa bhi dena tha. isme aapke dono beton se lekar aapke in 2 nalaayak vanshajon tak sab ki kuch tasveeren aur recordings hain...aap jab chahe unhe dekh sakte hain.

Shweta hanste hue: wah bhaiyya, iska matlab main 2-2 bhatijon ki bhua banne wali hun.

Dhruv: "chup kar." Aur fir vitler ko gale se lagate hue- "vitler shayad ye hamari aakhiri mulaakat hogi. par main tumhe, aaryan aur jessica ko kabhi nahi bhulunga."

Aur fir vitler apne panel par fir kuch button dabata hai aur gaayab ho jata hai.

Dhruv ab Shweta ki taraf palat ta hai.

Shweta: hun.

Dhruv: kya hun?

Shweta: to batao mujhe kya khichdi pak rahi thi 1990 me?

Dhruv: kuch to nahi.

Shweta rote hue dhruv k seene se lag jati hai, "jhooth mat bolo,tumhare us Robot Vanshaj ne mujhe sab bata diya hai. tum ne to apni pyari bahan se chutkara paane ki poori taiyyari kar li thi na?"

Dhruv: are pagli, tu ro rahi hai?

Shweta gusse me chillate hue, "nahi to kya hasun?...ek main hun jo 7 din se bina kuch khaaye piye, bina ek pal bhi soye tumhe wapas bulane k liye time machine thik kar rahi thi, aur tumne to sab kuch badalne ki poori planning kar li thi. wo to achcha hua ki papa-mummy mausi k ghar gaye hue hain warna wo bhi kitna pareshan ho jate. lekin tumhe thodi na hamari koi chinta hai."

Dhruv: meri behna, mujhe maaf kar de. mujhse sach me galti ho gayi thi. samay chakra k is chakkar me tera bhai ghum kar reh gaya tha. wo kya hai na ki tere bhai ka dimag apni jagah se displace ho gaya tha, isliye meri sochne samajhne ki shakti khatm ho gayi thi. main bhul gaya tha ki bhagwan ne mujhse mere maa-baap cheene to utna hi pyar karne wale dusre maa-baap de diye aur sath me ek choti si natkhat pyari behan bhi. Maine ye realise hi nahi kiya tha ki agar maine unhe bacha liya to main apne is pariwar ko kho dunga. apni pyari se behan ko kho dunga.

Shweta: jaane do, mujhe maska mat lagao. ek main hun jo papa-mummy ki absence me tumhe apne janmdin par akela na lage isliye college se chutti le kar yehan aa gayi aur tum to bas...

Dhruv: are baaba maine maafi maangi na....achcha baba main vada karta hun ki ab main tujhe chod kar kahin nahi jaunga....infact main tujhse khud milne London aata rahunga.

Shweta: promise?

Dhruv: pakka promise.

Shweta (itraate hue): thik hai....ab tum mujhse har mahine london aakar milna hi chahte ho to main bhi apne schedule me se time nikalne ki koshish karungi.

Dhruv:are are are....maine aisa kab kaha ki main har mahine.....

Shweta: nai to kya maine kaha?

Dhruv: arrrr.....achcha thik hai, main tujhse milne har mahine aaunga...ab to thik hai.?

Shweta: han thik hai.

Dhruv: achcha ab bata, teri machine thik hui ya nahi?

Shweta: haan.....mera matlab....nai wo to kabaad hai, ab thik nahi hogi.

Dhruv: to fir tere project ka kya hoga?

Shweta: keh dungi ki aisi machine banana kam se kam is yug me to possible nai hai. tel lene gaya aisa project jo ek buddhu bhai ko uski pyari behna se alag kar de.

Dhruv: are tune to mujhe maaf kar diya na? to ab taane kyu maar rahi hai?

Shweta: maine kab maaf kiya?

Dhruv: are abhi to tune kaha ki 'haan thik hai'.

Shweta: kya 'thik hai'?

Dhruv: are jab maine kaha ki main tujhse har mahine milne aaunga to tune kaha na "thik hai"?

Shweta: wo to maine kaha ki thik hai tumhara mann hai to aa jana. maine ye kab kaha ki maine maaf kar diya?

Dhruv: are par.....achcha meri maa, bata main kya karunga to tu mujhe maaf kar degi?

Shweta: kaan pakdo.

Dhruv: Le main tere kaan pakadta hun. ab to maaf kar de.

Shweta: mere nahi akkal ki dum, apne kaan pakdo.

Dhruv: achcha baba, le main apne kaan pakadta hun. ab to maaf kar de.

Shweta: thik hai. kiya.

Dhruv: aise nahi. pura sentence bol. tune mujhe maaf kiya.

Shweta: haan bhaiyya, maine tumhe maaf kiya.

Dhruv: good, ab tune mujhe maaf kar diya hai na? to ja mere liye khane ko kuch le kar aa. bahut bhukh lagi hai.

Shweta: achcha, apni chinta hai. aur maine jo 7 din se kuch nahi khaya uska kuch nai??? dekho meri aankhon k neeche dark circles bhi aa gaye hain.

Dhruv: achcha baba, ja dono k liye kuch khane ko le kar aa. aj main apni behan ko apne hathon se khilaunga.

Shweta: haan ye thik hai, par ek shart par. mujhe batao ki time travel me kya kya hua. aur 1991 me kya hua tha?

Dhruv: han sab bataunga, pehle kuch khane ko to lekar aa.

Shweta: han thik hai. lati hun.

Shweta jane lagi. Dhruv muskura kar dheere se kehta hai, "Mother of Time Travel"....

Shweta: kya...kya kaha tumne abhi?

Dhruv: are maine kaha, Mother India, mujhe bade zor ki bhukh lagi hai.

Shweta: han to la rahi hun na khana. pata nahi ye mard apne aap ko kya samajhte hain. ladki ko to bas kitchen ki property samajh rakha hai. dekhna main ek din sab ko dikha dungi ki ladkiyan ladkon se kisi cheeze me kam nahi hain. hum sab ki barabari kar sakti hain......aur haan, jab tak main khana la rahi hun, tab tak soch k rakho ki kal B'day par mujhe kya gift de rahe ho...

Dhruv: Are par b'day to mera hai.....main tujhe kyun gift dunga??

Shweta: Time travel kar k aa gaye to ye bhi bhul gaye kya ki hamare Yug me 'Return Gift' ki bhi ek parampara hoti hai?? kaho to yaad dila dun...

Aur is tarah bakbak karti hui shweta kitchen me ghus gayi. dhruv muskurate hue mann me sochta hai- "he bhagwan, ye main kya karne chale tha? pata nahi is paagal bandariya k bina mera kya hota? sach hai.....jo bhi hota hai, achche k liye hi hota hai." aur dhruv badh chalta hai apne kamre ki or.

 

1990

Dhruv daudta hua jupiter circus tak pahuchta hai, par ab tak sab kuch raakh ho chuka tha. dhruv ki aankhen sholon si chamak rahi thi. Use thodi dur par apne maata-pita ki ek aadhi jali tasveer milti hai. Wo use utha kar apni jeb me rakh leta hai.

2005

Dhruv apne kamre me jaakar apni maa-pita ke dwara di hui Scrapbook k panne paltaata hai..

1990

Dhruv jhuk kar circus ki raakh apni mutthi me bharta hai.

 

 

FRENZ.......agar apni is kahani ko ek cmx series k roop me imagine karta hun to main Samay Chakra series k aakhiri page par pahuch gaya hun. ye aakhiri page 2 full length frames me divided hai jisme do dhruv khade hain back-2-back.

 

FRAME No. 1:

1990

Dhruv ki aankhen khoon k aansu ro rahi hain. wo apni mutthi me jupiter circus ki raakh le kar kasam khata hai, "main is raakh ko uthakar kasam khata hun ki main un khoonkhar darindo ko nahi chodunga. kabhi nahi. main is duniya se apradh ka khaatma kar dunga. ye dhruv ki pratigya hai aur dhruv apni bat par atal rehta hai."

aasmaan ghane baadalon se ghir gaya hai. bijliyan chamak rahi hain aur tez baarish shuru ho jati hai. background me bhagwan shri krishna, shyam aur radha dhruv ko aashirwaad de rahe hain.

ye thi woh AGNI PARIKSHA jisse gujar kar us amar mahagaatha ka janm hua tha jo yugon yugon tak yad rakhi jayegi.

 

FRAME No. 2:

2005

Dhruv ki aankhon me khushi k aansu hain. wo apne mata-pita ki tasveer ko dekhte hue kehta hai, "ma-pitaji, main apko nirash nahi karunga, aur na hi aapke balidan ko vyarth jane dunga. main aj fir se kasam khata hun ki jab tak jinda rahunga, paap aur apradh k beej ko is dharti par panapne nahi dunga. aapka beta dhruv apradhiyon k liye dahakta suraj ban jayega."

Background me vitler, aaryan aur jessica dhruv ko pranam kar rahe hain.

achanak se aisa laga jaise andhera chant gaya aur swarg se ek roshni ne utar kar Dhruv ko apne ghere me le liya. aisa lag raha tha jaise koi aasman se seedha Dhruv par spotlight maar raha tha.

 


Toh Doston, Dhruv ki zindagi k sabse ahem safar......Samay Chakra k is safar ki ye Gaatha Yehan khatm hoti hai par Dhruv ki zindagi ki Mahagaatha abhi jaari hai.

User reviews

Average user rating from: 14 user(s)

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Overall rating 
 
4.6
Plot 
 
4.7  (14)
Characterization 
 
4.4  (14)
Exposition 
 
4.6  (14)
 
समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2012-11-30 04:02:08 Prabhat Singh
Overall rating 
 
5.0
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
5.0
Exposition 
 
5.0
comicmonster Reviewed by comicmonster    November 30, 2012
Top 500 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews

MONSTER REVIEW

+POINTS
YE IS FORUM KI SABSE EMOTIONAL STORY HAI
STORY IS VERY GRIPPING & THE BEST PART OF SERIES
IS STORY KI JAAN ISKE DIALOGUES HAIN
MERE LIYE AB TRENDY BABA K BAAD KOI FAV WRITER HAIN TO WO AAP HAIN
-POINTS
IS STORY ME AGAR KOI GALTI HOTI TO MAIN FULL POINTS KYUN DETA?

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2010-11-30 10:42:08 YOUDHVEER SINGH
Overall rating 
 
4.5
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
4.0
Exposition 
 
4.5
youdhveer Reviewed by youdhveer    November 30, 2010
Top 10 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews

Built of A Legend

Sk Bro.............yeh Story ka sabse jyaada Emotional part hai.............Isliye mujhe samjah nahin na raha ki kya kahun
kya Naa kahun...........Yeh baat bilkul sahi kahi aapne ki Agar Dhruva apne Parents ki Maut ko Naa dekhta toh...Shayad
uski Zindagi Circus mein hi Gujar Jaati aur Duniya ko Ek SuperHero naa mil paata...........Har mahayudh Kurbaani ki
Mashaal Jalakar hi Aagey lada jaata hai...............Dhruva ke saath yahi hua.................Sabse achchi baat Story mein thi
Woh Conversation Jo Dhruva-Radha-Shyaam ke beech Aag se bachne aur Naa Bachne ke liye hua............Bahut Emotional
the...woh Dialogues....Aansu aa gaye.....Aur jyaada nahin likha Jaa raha.

Owner's reply

thanx youdhveer....i am glad u liked the story.. :)

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2010-05-03 14:33:01 John
Overall rating 
 
4.3
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
4.0
Exposition 
 
4.0
Director00 Reviewed by Director00    May 03, 2010
Top 500 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews

HI

BRO BRILLIANT IDEA OF TIME TRAVEL.THOUGH I HAVE SEEN THIS MANY TIMES BEFORE BUT IN YOUR STORY IT WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.NICE TO SEE MANY SIDES OF DHRUVA AS RC ALWAYS SHOWS.BUT I EXPECTED A BIT MORE EXPOSITION IN FEW SITUATION

Owner's reply

hi bro....thanx for reviewing this story....i think the reason why you felt a bit of lack of exposition is because you directly read this story without reading the previous 3 parts- Yug Purush, Vansh Rakshak, and Dhruv Mahan...so kindly read the previous parts, and then if you still find the story lacking somewhere...do tell me...i'll try to improve....

this is my dream project...i'll leave no stone unturned to make it better...
Thanx

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-10-23 12:43:39 siddharth gupta
Overall rating 
 
4.7
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
4.0
Exposition 
 
5.0
haryana Reviewed by haryana    October 23, 2009
Top 50 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews
समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-10-01 07:57:39 rahul shashank
Overall rating 
 
4.0
Plot 
 
4.0
Characterization 
 
4.0
Exposition 
 
4.0
TAKER Reviewed by TAKER    October 01, 2009
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good

kamal ho sk bhai. jo frame scene soche hai wo achche hain.

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-09-27 15:23:18 Mohit Sharma
Overall rating 
 
4.3
Plot 
 
4.0
Characterization 
 
4.0
Exposition 
 
5.0
TRENDSTER Reviewed by TRENDSTER    September 27, 2009
Top 10 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews

Agni Parkisha Review

Perfect ending of this epic time travel adventure. The unique thing in this part are emotions...sach mey dil bhar aaya 1-2 scenes mey. Logics, titles, apni jagah par ekdum fit hai. Baaki to maine forums par likh hi diya hai. Maine aapko underestimate kiya tha par mujhe achchha laga ki aapne mujhe galat saabit kiya. Ab se aapki kahaniyon ka intezaar rahega.

Owner's reply

thanx Mohit bro.....aap to is forum ke sabse best writer ho...to get continuos support and attention from you was really great...
Thanx for reviewing my stories...
:)

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-09-26 14:34:05 amod
Overall rating 
 
4.7
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
5.0
Exposition 
 
4.0
miroku Reviewed by miroku    September 26, 2009
Top 500 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews

very well

hats off to u for such a wonderful story...its really amazing...feels real...keep the good work

Owner's reply

thanx for ur review bro... ;)

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-09-24 15:13:56 Amit Kumar Sharma
Overall rating 
 
3.0
Plot 
 
3.0
Characterization 
 
2.0
Exposition 
 
4.0
Amit_lko Reviewed by Amit_lko    September 24, 2009
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hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

gud story bro

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-09-19 16:10:42 Kushal Agrawal
Overall rating 
 
5.0
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
5.0
Exposition 
 
5.0
kushal95 Reviewed by kushal95    September 19, 2009
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Bas, decide ho gaya.

Had
Se
ZYYAAAADA
Achchi kahaani
Ke naam se
Jaani jaane waali
Is kahaani ko main
Kahoonga
The ultimate Composition by any civilian alive.

Haan to ab main bataata hoon ye kahaani mujhe kaisi lagi.
Mujhe ye kahaani bahut achchi lagi.
Abhi tak ki aapki SABSE achchi kahani lagi.
Ab main aapke major credits bataata hoon.
Mujhe is kahaani ko padhkar apney dil mein jagi sabhi bhaavnaaon ka sailaab umadta hua mahssos hua. Is kahaani ko padhne mein maine apne dil-o-dimaag ki poori energy laga di. Maine isey ITNA enjoy kiya, ki main aapko bata nahi sakta. Maybe enjoy is not the correct word, I was Filled with tears while reading this story.
Poore plot ko ek bahut hi graceful manner mein conclude kiya. Ek bhi loose end nahi chhoda...
Bahut zyaada achchi script writing thi, aapne isey plots waale section mein daal kar galti ki, isey scripts mein daalna chahiye tha.
Jaise, ek jagah par aapne temporal diplacement ka zikr kiya hai, isey maine star world par kisi TV show mein dekha tha shayad... Ye ek major contribution hoga comics ke liye, warna Dhruva to phokat mein hi time travel karta phirta hai...
Aapne human nature ki ya to bahut achchi study ki hai, ya phir maanav jasbaaton ki knowledge aapko by default aati hai. Jaise ki pichli stories mein Vitler wagairah ke exactly wahi actions they jo main normally ek human being se expect karoonga. Also, jab Dhruva apne maan baap se bahas kar raha tha, tabhi Dhruva ke arguments exactly waise they jaise ek aise bachchey ke hongey jo maan baap se bichadne ke darr se kuch bhi samajhna nahi chahta, bas apni baat par adaa rahta hai... RC in baaton par dhyaan nahi deti, ya to kahaaniyaan emotionless hoti hain, ya to exaggerated.

Now the discredits (Which are minor and not even dust in contrast to the credits ) :D
Time travel ke concept mein kuch baatein rah gayi, jaise albert einstein ki relativity theory ka main law. Yaani 'TIME LOOP'
1 Agar Dhruva apne maan baap ko bacha leta to wo crime fighter na banta.
2 Par iska matlab 2000 A. D. tak duniya khatam ho jaati.
3 Isliye Dhruva kabhi time travel nahi kar paata aur apna past nahi change kar paata.
4 To uske maan baap marr jaate aur wo ek crime fighter banta.
5 To wo Duniya ko 2009 tak bachaaye rakhta, phir shweta ki time travel machine se past mein jaata aur apna past change karta, jisse wo crime fighter na banta, jissey duniya tabaah ho jaati, aur wo time travel na kar paata, jissey wo crime fighter banta, phir duniya ko bachaaye rakhta, phir time travel karta, maata pita ko bachaata, and so on until he and the whole world is trapped in this time loop.
Kuch samjhey? :)
Main ek aur discredit likhne waala tha, but upar waala likhtey likhtey main usey bhool gaya so let it be.
Have a nice day :)

Owner's reply

well....thanx for all those lovely words Kushal....
as far as "Time Loop" theory is concerned...i suppose maine tumhari confusion discussion Thread par dur kar di hai...

about Script section- maine koshish ki par mujhe samjha hi nahi ki kaise karte hain....i was confused with all that Panel, narration, dialogue, art direction things...
anywez....thanx for ur reviews..

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-09-19 16:08:49 saurab mehra
Overall rating 
 
4.3
Plot 
 
4.0
Characterization 
 
5.0
Exposition 
 
4.0
sesshomaru Reviewed by sesshomaru    September 19, 2009
Top 500 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews

gud...

superb ending to a gr8 series...i prefer this series be made into comics

Owner's reply

thanx bro....
yeah...i too prefer this being made in cmx... :)

and i'll buy it to read it... :)
i dont need complimentary copy...lolz..

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-09-18 12:06:37 atin
Overall rating 
 
5.0
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
5.0
Exposition 
 
5.0
atin123 Reviewed by atin123    September 18, 2009
Top 100 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews

great sk bhai

sk bhai jitna mazza aapke 3rd story ko padne mein aya usse bhi jyada eesmein aya, u are the great writer, the way u written and explain the story is superb, great yaar I am speechless

Owner's reply

thanx to you bro...for liking this story so much... :)

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-09-17 19:10:58 Gajender Singh
Overall rating 
 
5.0
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
5.0
Exposition 
 
5.0
Omveer Reviewed by Omveer    September 18, 2009
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Best story of forum till now

Sk bhai, sach kahun to mujhe apki 1st story pasand nahi aayi thi, middle me jaaker thodi boring ho gayi thi, lekin uske baad k parts jaberdust hain, aajkal Dhruva ki comixo me imotional touch dekhne ko nahi milta, lekin apki story padhkar ye kami puri ho gayi !

Owner's reply

thanx bro...i agree.....Cmx me emotional touch to hona hi chahiye..

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-09-16 19:49:54 Saurabh Agrawal
Overall rating 
 
5.0
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
5.0
Exposition 
 
5.0
skagrawal4k Reviewed by skagrawal4k    September 17, 2009
Last updated: December 06, 2010
Top 50 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews

the Final destination

ye meri kahani ka last part, personally mere liye bahut special hai...

maine Dhruv ko pehli bar 1991 me dekha tha...is hisab se aj 18 saal ho chuke hain...is beech Dhruv ne koi 3 ya 4 bar time travel kiya...'udantashtari k bandhak', 'robot/super commando Dhruv', 'Dhruvishya/aakhiri Dhruv' aur shayad 'sangram'...

1 bat jo hamesha mere dil me rahi ki Dhruv kabhi time travel kar k apne maa-baap se milne kyu nahi gaya...kya wo unhe miss nahi karta?

finally agni pariksha me Dhruv apne maa-baap se mila...aur fir se di usne agnipariksha...aur safal bhi hua...

lekin ek bat jo mere sath jyadatar fans k dimag me rehti hogi ki yar Dhruv to thok k bhaav me time travel karta rehta hai...to ye ensure karne k liye ki ye epic series Dhruv ka aakhiri time travel ho, maine temporal diplacement ka concept jod diya...asal me temporal diplacement ka referance maine apne fav. tv show "LOST" se liya, jisme kayi characters is bimari k shikar hote hain, mera fav. character SAWYER bhi...to maine apne fav. Dhruv ko bhi ye bimari de di...

emotional front par to is kahani ka koi jawab nahi...chahe wo shyam/radha aur Dhruv k scenes hon ya Dhruv shweta k...this betters even Dhruv Mahaan as far as emotional content is concerned...aisi emotional...ground-breaking series aaj tak RC me shayd nahi aayi hogi...i request RC to plz bring it..

series ki sabse acchi bat ye rahi ki yugpurush ki starting Dhruv/shweta ki nokjhonk se hui thi aur agni pariksha ki ending bhi wahin hui...par Dhruv/shweta ka relationship aur strong ho gaya...sach kahun to shweta meri fav. character hai...
vitler ki bat sunkar ki agar Dhruv ne fir se time travel kiya to uski jaan ko khatra hai, usne apne dream project jo shayad use nobel prize dilwa sakta tha, use kabaad keh diya...

This story series wud definately give u a feeling of Deja vu....
bahut sari cmx k referances mile....Nagaayan...Udantashtari k bandhak....Dhruvishya...aur is baar Robot/Super commondo Dhruv ka bhi referance diya Invention Prasaa ke through...
Pratishodh ki jwala ka bahut sara referance tha...kai dialogues maine same to same rakhe...jaise jubisko aur bond ki baatchit, jubisko aur Dhruv ka aankhon me aankhen daal kar dekhna, aur shyam ka jhoolon ki nayi rassiyan lagana, Dhruv ki bike chase...ye saare referance pratishodh ki jwala me milenge...

i made sure ki koi loophole bhi na rahe....badi badi se lekar choti choti details...jinki koi jarurat bhi nahi thi...wo bhi maine di hai...isiliye chaaron parts itne lambe ho gaye...but khushi is baat ki hai ki koi bhi galti ya loose end nahi milega...Sabhi Dhaage barabar ja kar mile hain Agni Pariksha me..

TIME LOOP THEORY- Time Travel ki most popular theory...ise maine is kahani me repeatedly re-inforce kiya hai...
1. Dhruv ne yugpurush me shweta ko kaha tha ki wo us adhjali tasveer ko dekh dekh kar ji raha hai jo use circus k malbe k pas mili thi...wo usi photo ko apne pocket me rakh kar Time travel k liye nikalta hai...climax me 1990 me wo us photo ko wahi gira deta hai jo teenager Dhruv utha kar apni jeb me rakh leta hai..
2.Temporal Displacement ek aur example tha... Shweta ki journal me padh kar hi scientists ko pehli bar Temporal Displacement phenomena k bare me pata chalta hai...Vitler Time travel kar k isi bimari k bare me Shweta ko batata hai...jisse Shweta ko iske bare me pata chalta hai....ab log sochte rahe ki bhai agar Shweta ko ye baat Vitler se pata chali, aur Duniya ko Shweta se...to aakhir ye baat sabse pehle kisne samjhi?? to ye sawal to ande aur murgi wala sawaal hai....yehi hai Time Loop..

maine ensure kiya ki kuch bhi na badle...is kahani se Dhruv ki life ek full circle aa gayi hai..
initially my plan was that Dhruv wud indeed save his parents...but jaise hi wo apne samay me wapas aayega, use dikhega ki kuch nahi badla..Shri Krishna tab prakat honge aur use batayenge ki Dhruv ne unhe aag se to bacha liya....lekin wo agle din ek accident me maare gaye...but mujhe laga ki ye climax Dhruv ke upar enforced lagega...jaise Dhruv ne khud sahi decision nahi liya...upar se this climax wud be on line with "Final Destination"....so i dropped the plan and changed the climax...besides us climax me Dhruv ki Shweta k sath nok-jhok ka scope nahi banta aur na hi us last page ka jo mera ek dream hai.

yug-purush k bahut sare referances agnipariksha me milenge...shri krishna ki bahut sari baaton ko yehan repeat kiya maine...ek bar fir Shri Krishna ke updesh k taar yehan jude..

lekin best cheeze hai iska last page...frenz jab main apni is kahani ko Dhruv ki ek 4 part ki parallel story k roop me imagine karta hun to agni-pariksha k last page ka jo visualization mere dimag me aata hai wo itna jabardast hai ki sirf us ek page k liye mujhe 120rs. khrach karna pade to karunga...
ye last page hai hi itna dynamic...ek page me 2 Dhruv...dono ki aankhon me aansun...ek gusse k, aur ek khushi k...dono kasam khate hue, ek taraf ghana andhera to dusri taraf roshni ki kiran, aur background me shri krishna, shyam, radha, vitler, aaryan aur jessica...

ye last page agar kabhi publish ho paaya to ye RC ka sabse best page hoga...aisa mujhe vishwas hai...
bas ab ek hi sapna hai...Anupam ji is kahani ki or dhyan den aur ise panno par utaren apne andaaz me...word to word kahani waisi hi ho jaisi maine likhi hai ye to possible nahi hai par Anupam ji jaise artist agar meri is series ki theme ko adapt kar ke, use aur refine kar k apne andaaz me publish karenge to I bet...this will be a gift of a lifetime for all Dhruv fans...ye kahani fir se Dhruv ko top par laane ka dum rakhti hai agar Anupam ji ne ise apna sahaara diya to.

this is not just a story...it is an epic....i am not being over-confident...i really believe it...i can feel it...
Dhruv ki ye epic journey khatm hui....i hope everybody wud fall in love with it..

समय चक्र : अंतिम पड़ाव (अग्नि परीक्षा) 2009-09-11 09:59:30 satvabodh dubey
Overall rating 
 
5.0
Plot 
 
5.0
Characterization 
 
5.0
Exposition 
 
5.0
satvabodh Reviewed by satvabodh    September 11, 2009
Top 100 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews

I am speechless !!

Dear Saurabh,

Main aapko salute karna chahata hoon, is story ko padhne ke baad main khud ko kisi comment karne ke laayak nahi samajhta kyuki jo bhi tareef karoonga woh kam hi hogi.

main sirf itna chahata hoon ki aapki story par comic publish ho. main personally Sanjay ji aur Anupam ji se request karoonga ki wo ye kadam uthayen.

sabhi forum members se bhi main kehna chahata hu ki wo is story par comic publish karne ki request karen.

Thanks for such a beautiful story, and I really mean it !!

Owner's reply

Thank u so much Stvabodh bhaiyya.....for all ur support through out this journey...
and thanx for those lovely and kind remarks....

i hope ki baat sach ho aur is kahani par cmx publish ho...

Dhruv is my idol...agar mere story idea par based kahani par uski cmx publish hoti hai to ye mere liye bahut garv ki baat hogi..

Thanx a tonne again...

 
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